Maternal/paternal mental health problems, or perinatal mental health problems as they're often called, are more common than you think. In fact one in 5 new mums experience them and up to one in 10 new dads and partners. This figure can be increased amongst the LGBTQ+ community due to additional challenges and stressors. These mental health problems can range from anxiety, low mood and depression to more severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and psychosis. Some will have suffered mental health problems before but for others symptoms are new and frightening for the whole family.

Depression and anxiety are the most common mental health problems during pregnancy and new parenthood, with around 12% of women and 6% of men experiencing depression and 13% women and 6.5% men experiencing anxiety at some point; many will experience both. People who are experiencing depression/anxiety have a number of changes to their mood, their thinking, their behaviour and their bodily functioning which persist for weeks or months and which can lead to major disruption in their lives.

The other mental health problems like panic disorder, OCD, PTSD, postpartum psychosis, exacerbation of eating disorders and tokophobia (fear of giving birth) are less common but still account for up to 8% of all new birthing parents and can also affect their partners. It is important to remember that all of these problems, even the most severe, are usually temporary with the right treatment and support.

The parents who experience perinatal mental health problems cannot control their symptoms on their own. It is not their choice and will require love, patience, understanding and support to get them through this.The symptoms may lead to poor bonding with the baby and difficulties with breastfeeding (which can itself lead to distress, anxiety and low mood).

Good parental mental health is very important for the the development of the baby before and after birth. This makes it really important to recognise the problem quickly, to talk about it, and to get help. This is so important for partners too. If your partner is experiencing maternal mental health problems you have a one in 2 chance of developing your own and you can still develop your own even when your partner doesn't. Having a baby is a highly stressful time, fuelled by sleep deprivation and the huge increase in responsibility that comes with a baby. Nothing quite prepares you for this and when, on top of all this, your partner becomes ill, it puts you at high risk of developing a mood disorder yourself.

The most common symptoms can include persistent feelings of sadness and low mood, poor concentration, feeling unable to cope, loss of interest in sex, tiredness, avoiding contact with people, change in appetite, loss of pleasure in normally enjoyed activities, unable to get out of bed, thoughts of suicide and/or harming self and/or the baby.

Anxiety symptoms can also include feeling persistently afraid, worried, nervous, on edge, detached, panicky. You may also find it hard to learn and apply the new skills and tasks of parenthood and get into an effective routine, start to feel that the family would be better off without you, have frequent worries about the health and welfare of your partner and/or the baby, have persistent, intrusive and frightening thoughts that you or they might harm baby, constantly thinking things like, "I'm a terrible parent/partner" or, "They're going to take my baby away."

You are unlikely to experience all of the symptoms at the same time but if you recognise yourself amongst them please don't ignore it. This Q&A section will help give you some basic advice about what to do and the links on this page offer free services of who can help.

Anybody can get mental health problems when having a baby, at any time of life, irrespective of gender, age, culture or social background. It happens to men as well as women and is really common. It's important to keep in mind that this is not a sign of a 'weak character' or other inadequacy. Many gifted, successful and powerful people have experienced mental health problems in their lives. Additional risk factors include: if a close relative has experienced mental health problems, psychological make up and personality, major life events, physical illnesses, isolation, relationship breakdown, money worries, struggling with gender and/or sexuality.

In addition to the normal worries that many new parents have to deal with, it can feel that your partner has now become a different person to the one you once knew. You may feel emotionally neglected and physically rejected. Your partner may have become irritable, hostile and abusive to you at times. Whatever you try nothing you do seems to be right.

This change in your relationship and family dynamics which will normally include a change in pecking order all adds to the pressure. You're also likely to be experiencing quite a bit of sleep disturbance and changes in your normal routine in the early weeks and months. You may be spending time at work or elsewhere pre-occupied and worrying about how things are at home. On the other hand work might be a welcome refuge from home, so you try and spend more time there. This in itself may give you conflict and guilt over where your loyalties should lie.

You may feel very isolated and alone with these concerns, not knowing who you can talk to about them and whether they're normal. One of the worst fears is often whether you and your partner will ever be able to return to the way you were before, or is this the way it will always be from now on?

There are many types of perinatal mental health problems and most of them include some aspect of depression and/or anxiety. Most of them can affect both parents.

Postpartum Psychosis is a rare but serious and potentially life threatening mental health issue. It takes the form of severe depression or mania or both. For the few birthing parents who experience postpartum psychosis, it occurs in the first 3 months after birth, usually within the first 2 weeks and develops rapidly.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events such as traumatic labour/birth. Someone with PTSD often relives the traumatic event through nightmares and flashbacks and may experience feelings of isolation, anger, frustration, disappointment, irritability and guilt.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder which causes people to experience obsessive thoughts followed by compulsive behaviours. Obsessions are overwhelming, unwanted thoughts which cause anxiety, disgust or unease and lead to the need to carry out activities/rituals usually repetitively in an attempt to temporarily relieve the distressing feelings of the obsessive thoughts.

Tokophobia is a specific phobia of childbirth ie an overwhelming, debilitating fear of childbirth, which can be so intense that pregnancy and/or childbirth is avoided.

Postnatal Depression (PND) and Anxiety PND is a type of mood disorder which is usually accompanied by increased anxiety. It can range from mild to severe and occur any time from pregnancy up to 2 years following birth. Sometimes anxiety can be the dominant symptom.

Pre/postnatal depression/anxiety (PND) is the most common perinatal mental health problem and accounts for almost two-thirds of all recorded cases of perinatal problems. In addition many cases of PND/anxiety go undiagnosed as parents try to just press on through! PND is a depressive illness which develops in parents before or after childbirth. Anxiety is almost always a component of PND and sometimes the anxiety is the dominant symptom. In some parents it happens fairly suddenly and usually within a few weeks after giving birth. They often describe it as "like a switch has been turned off." In others it develops gradually over a period of weeks and may not be noticed by those around them for quite some time. It can occur at any time in the first year or so and in some parents it can actually start during pregnancy.

Postnatal depression may last for weeks or months and in some it may last into the child's second year if not detected and treated adequately. The symptoms a parent will experience are very much the same as those of depression generally. The important difference with postnatal depression is that there is a new and dependant baby in the mix. Also, postnatal depression develops at a time when parents usually anticipate pleasure and fulfilment in the experience of parenthood and this can add additional pressure to ignore and play the symptoms down and pretend everything is alright.

The good news is that perinatal mental health problems can be treated. Most parents make a full recovery and, as with all health conditions, the sooner they are recognised, and appropriate help is sought, the better.

At the milder end of the scale, measures aimed at giving parents some space to talk about their feelings along with increasing practical and social support are helpful. This can be achieved through enlisting the help of family and friends to relieve some of the practical load or to spend time providing a non-judgemental listening ear and encouragement. It is worth googling your local voluntary organisations and Home-Start as these can play very useful roles in recovery. You can also use the Hearts and Minds locator Map further on this page to search for local groups. Just enter your postcode.

Further on up the scale antidepressants or other medications are often useful and sometimes more specialist psychological help such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). These can usually be arranged through the GP (or local IAPT service) along with more specialist support for those with higher needs.

For the most poorly parents treatment may include referral to the community specialist perinatal team and/or to the Mother and Baby Unit where they can receive more intensive specialist support for themselves and baby. Referrals can be made by your Midwife, Health Visitor or GP.

A usual episode of depression/anxiety will generally resolve within a matter of weeks or months. Recovery rarely follows a smooth path and typically involves ups and downs. The best advice is to take it one day at a time.

More severe mental health problems may vary in duration but the sooner help is sought, and begins, the sooner things will start to improve.

The first thing to say is that this advice may be really challenging for you right now, especially if you are experiencing your own struggles and perinatal mental health problems. Please remember that this advice is not meant to be another way of measuring and judging yourself about whether you're measuring up! This season will pass and it's great you've taken the first step to get a bit more information on how you can help yourself and your partner. Just remember to take it easy on yourself and not to set the bar too high during this difficult time.

The first step is to recognise and acknowledge that your partner is ill right now. Talk to them about it and find out more about postnatal depression and other maternal mental health problems for yourself. Use the links on this website and watch some of the videos of other mums who have been through it. You will find these in the 'Your Stories' section of the main Acacia website. Click here to access it. There are also some fathers' stories at the bottom of the Acacia Dad's page. You can access the dads' stories by clicking here and scrolling down to the bottom of the page. If you are a male parent you may find some of the other resources on the Acacia Dad's pages helpful.

Listen to them and take their worrying thoughts seriously. They may seem trivial and unwarranted to you, but to them they're very serious and real.

Support your partner to seek help. The GP, Midwife and Health Visitor are key people to speak to If they have already sought help then support them in that and involve yourself in the support they are offered.

Try not to judge or criticise. They're probably doing a lot of that themselves right now. Try not to retaliate in kind when they're irritable and snappy with you. This can be really challenging but remind yourself that it isn't the real person behaving like that.

Reassure your partner that you are there for them and that things will improve in time. Show love and affection but try to avoid overly sexual demands. Your partner won't be ready for that for a while yet. Involve yourself as much as you are able with supporting parenting, housework and self-care.

In addition to supporting your partner it's very important that you recognise your own needs and take care of your own health. You are not being selfish in doing this. It will be impossible for you to look after your partner and the baby well if you are struggling yourself.

Ways of supporting your own mental health:

Try to do some regular exercise and relaxation activities – as much as time will allow right now. After all a baby gives you a good reason for a walk around your local park, which will also give you and oyur partner some much needed time to yourselves.

It might sound simple but it's so important to maintain a healthy(ish) diet and eat regularly - don't skip breakfast! Your brain and your body needs energy if you want it to function well and cope with increased stress.

Find someone to confide in about it. A close friend or family member perhaps. If you live in Birmingham, Acacia provides such a service. If you live elsewhere please use the links on this page to access national support services or visit the Hearts and Minds Map to see what's available locally to you.

If you suspect that you may be becoming overly anxious or depressed then it's very important that you seek appropriate advice for yourself sooner rather than later. Speak to your GP. Be totally honest about how you are feeling. You won't be saying anything that they haven't heard before and the sooner you can get some help the sooner you can start the journey back to wellness.

Most importantly don't try to sweep it under the carpet or be tempted to try to fix it yourself by drinking more alcohol or taking other recreational drugs. This will not help the situation in the long term.

Don't put it off any longer to get the ball rolling. You owe it to yourself, your wife/partner, and your new baby to ensure that you're well and at your best right now. If you feel like you are struggling check out what's available.